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Monday, December 23, 2013

I'm back!

Monday, December 23, 2013
typical local beach at my place in Cebu


yeah, I'm back in Poland....cold frosty Poland. For Polish standard this winter isn't that cold. Coming from the tropics is quite cold for me. 

The last time, I blogged about my flight of losing my dad. It was a devastating ordeal for me. Going back home with no daddy to return to but a sad moment with the whole family needed serious attention.  It was hard and the longest journey for me. And I never thought it's harder going back in Poland leaving my mom and two brothers behind who are still in mourning. We are all stunned by the happenings. Mixed of emotions are overflowing back home. I don't want to dwell into it anymore. Life is like that sometimes, like we are put in some point where we have no other choice but to accept things. After all, life is full of unexpected packages.

Realized, It's Christmas real soon. The house is still all a mess...no gifts wrapped under the Christmas tree, Christmas tree was up because of my children's wish to put up at least some Christmas decorations. With gusto, they did it all without me helping, me looking at them only as they slowly put the Christmas balls and lights. It gives me hope and point of realization that I have to move on, that these kids needed my attention. There is no greater person who can help them still enjoy Christmas but me - their mom.  Life must go on and that I needed that strength from them. A lot of my friends were telling me, I can carry on for they knew me that I wouldn't face circumstances in life without winning. Yeah true! I'm strong in some ways but at this time, my strength is being tested. I was left with no choice.  I feel pain to the strongest sense of the word. Try to dust off my feet and touching every pieces that I can hold on to without losing the battle of losing.  Yet still there is still that pain but at least I know where to find strength from my children and that of amore. 

Today, I claim to be healed and to move on with faith and conviction. That I know I would still have that struggle along the way of missing dad, nonetheless, I know I can carry on. That deep inside my heart, Dad is still there with me and He is looking down on me with still that genuine smile...proud and convinced that I made the right way in dealing life living here in Poland.

So, I'm back!


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