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Friday, January 03, 2014

Happy New Year but I have to say goodbye for now.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Dear my wonderful readers out there (if any of you are still there),

been awhile not blogging decently here. Maybe because there are lots of things I needed to attend to in real life or maybe i just lack inspiration to blog. with the recent tragedy that happened to my family, there are lots of things needs prior consideration. dealing with grief is one thing.. i thought it was that easy for me. it is hard. each day is a battle of emotions. of missing my dad and leaving mom behind while living here in Poland. yeah, life must still go on. It's a cliche. how can one possibly move on that easily when your heart is still in mourning and in pain? how  will  and who can actually define life? no one. never. life is a whole lots of questions and puzzles. life is difficult, short and undefine.  It's how you make it. how you live with it. 

when i look back at how my dad live his life, it was just so simple. he lives a very simple life of struggles, simplicity and contentment. struggling to make both ends meet everyday to sustain the needs of his family. as simple as what he can offer and afford, he was able to nurture us his children with all his love and care. content of what life's offers him..not asking much but enough to feed his needs and our needs. he never dreamed of richness because for him - he's already rich having us his family. 

his one simple ordinary man.  take him to his favourite fast food store and buy his favourite beer, his good to go on that. he is that simple. among lots of clothings he has, he settled for one that he always thinks comfortable to wear. not minding what brand or style.. just the comfort of wearing it. he didn't look for pleasures with vices. for his pleasures seeing us happy with our own lives and decisions. he never seek to be famous yet he was known as a very helpful man. a man willing to serve without complain. he has a big heart that is willing to help despite that he also has his own struggles. life is simple for dad. though he died with fear for sure because he will left mom ahead  and us his children. his last words before he past away was " your mom..." and knowing him, he always look forward for mom's welfare and find strength with mom.  this was a hard acceptance for my mom. but i admire her even more now. for she was that strong when dad left. she face all with strength and confidence for us her children. and here i am finding myself suffering..struggling to move on. it is because so many questions left unaswered with the passing of dad. i may not find that answers now...but in time...in God's own time. for sure.

for now, let me say i needed to rest this blogs for awhile. maybe.  and find answers somewhere...somehow and let my heart dictate me  in time again to go back and blog again. with the fast growing world of internet, i needed to unplug all my connections and learn to listen to my heart again and to those people who knew me well. where i could probably find my strength and inspiration. by then, i can slowly move on and face this grief with my heart only. i want to learn from this experience and find my strength again. thank you for being here for the past years and for still being there with me. somehow i inspire you with my post and hopefully i could go back with more strength and full of inspiration. goodbye. for now. see you someday soon.

Happy New Year, by the way! Enjoy 2014 and hopefully this year would be a blissful one for all of you.

love,
Ai
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