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Tuesday, December 09, 2014

moving forward...

Tuesday, December 09, 2014


fir tree
Here I am. Staring at a blank wall infront of me. thinking. contemplating. It is frosty outside yet the sun is out. Waiting for my tea to sip in.... a lot of questions in mind..actually random questions.  What to do? where to go next? What to do first? a lot of plans here and there....  To be honest, these are keeping me a bit insane.I am merely under the state of homesickness. I hate December months...I am such not a fan of Christmas holidays. If you are living far from home..you will understand me why. Although I am getting used to it now.  

Sometimes I am in the state of oblivion. at times, sick , bored and tired of the monotonous life here.  Sometimes I wonder if I really fit in to this world and the culture. Sometimes I find the answers within..and most of ten, I DON'T! Pretty obscure and nonsense. 

Alright, alright.... I do want to sound melodramatic. What I'm trying to say is that, I am still foraging in the deepest corners of my brain what to write and how to make this blog alive again. I find that blogging lately bores me. My entries are boring....purely nothing! There is no much motivation to it.. it is more of random and no sense of passion. Although, I am still figuring out as I go on with this blog. 

Most friends happens to bump into my blog encourages me to write more of my personal experiences living here in Poland and of course my interest in the field of arts.  Lately, they miss that side of me... the me, that can unselfishly share what I have and what I experienced. In all honesty, I miss that side of me as well. The passion is there , but the motivation isn't there anymore. I've come to realized there is so much things going on lately with me personally that I have to reconcile first and foremost. Before dragging myself back into the limelight of my passion.  When will I learn and be in the moment anyway? I consider myself always been blessed in life when it comes to opportunities to grow and that I am thankful. It is in this way that I feel like I needed to move forward.  As I wrote a letter to myself and last letter to my dad few months back, that I have to move forward and continue believing on things that I know I can do better.  My friends are right...I've lost that passion lately..I miss that old self. They miss the Ai in me. Now, this is me. Moving forward and trying to get better each day. And hopefully I could blog more honestly again with my thoughts in mind and a heart with so much passion for everything.  For now, let me say.......I am at my ME TIME! - figuring out how to make this blog alive again and hopefully share things I know while living here in Poland. 

The next blog entries, I promised are all about  moving forward............blogging to the next level.

Opps..my tea is ready! 

In pensive mood :-)

xxAi
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