Over a cup of tea

Nothing completes my day without a cup of tea with me. It gives me so much energy and life for my day...it made me think of simple things..solutions to mind bugging questions or some feelings that needs a certain answers.

I woke up with still a heavy heart.....

Last night, was so emotional on some things. I do not know why. I just can't stop myself from crying over nothing that I do not know how it started..i just feel like crying. I tried to calm myself but tears can't stop falling. Of course, I do not want to feel this way...it might affect my baby who is relying much on me. But I'm just being real with what I am feeling..if I feel like crying..I will really cry a bucket of tears. I'm trying to ease myself...to calm down and that it will be ok. G, keeps on asking me what happen..but I have nothing to answer him...except that I am tired...tired of being alone sometimes...waiting for the day to end. I guess, it's part of my adjustment to my new life, new world, new environment and new responsibilities. Sorry...I'm telling you, I am a very sensitive & emo person.

That's Meh! the Ai in me.

And while listening to NoJo's songs again, it lifts me up a bit. My mind shifted again to something and to some people I miz so much. I just can't stop thinking about everything and on everyone every single day. Then, I got a message in my YM from Yoyoy asking me how I been..and that I told him I'm doing good..that getting bigger now with my pregnancy. He tried to update me too about what's new & plans of his life. Yoyoy, is one of my best guy friend in Cebu. He always lifts me up when I'm down..I do not know why everytime I am down on somethings..he will just pop up either in my email or leave a message in my chatroom. And then...I will be quite ok. G, also greeted me in the chat with a kiss & a hug..i really needed it (see..we do chat with G even if he's at work & i'm at home..to check out on me). He never fails to do that but if he is busy I am left out...

Going back to that heavy feeling...well, everyone does experience such feeling of being emo on something that started with nothing. I could see myself too now that I am preggy..I am becoming too emotional..too sensitive on somethings...small things that touch my ego..it will affects my mood..and that would create a heavy feeling on me. Really the psychopatic and lunatic side of me sometimes just strikes without any warning. Do u think I like it? Of course not! Who would want to be sad .... it will create a heavy feeling too to people who is with you. So sorry....but if you felt that way..better be true! release it..express it! There's no other way than talk about it...talk will do..either a cup of coffe or tea. Maybe there's some screws that needs to be put back to its own place...some adjustments. When I am down and feeling blue.. I just needed to release it. Usually by crying..but after crying a bucket of tears or indulge it into eating..then I will be relieved. But I hate it when I saw my eyes bulging as the result of my crying. I am really pathetic, a real psychotic sometimes. Maybe, I need to unwind myself. I guess it will help me. An outgoing & extrovert like me when put in one place for longer time really makes me crazy...well, that answers my feelings now. What do u think?

That is why, the idea of putting myself back to the blogging world and writing back in my journal helps me at these times. 'Cuz by way of blogging...writing in my journal..helps me a bit to express the inner feelings in me. It gives me an avenue to release things & emotions that is lurking in my mind & heart. Sometimes, there are words that you cannot express to people but only in writing....that is why when the artistic side of me strikes..it means I am deeply thinking. Sounds so weird but it is true! Some close friends knew it! They know that the more I laugh..I am carrying a heavy feeling inside...when I cry either I am overjoyed on somethings. Really crazy.......hmmmmm....who would want to be like me?

I guess we all have the same feelings... in one way or another. We are all human after all..bounded with feelings and sometimes insecurities that made us sad or that in an upbeat mood. What makes us human and as a person after all if we don't feel like one. It will mold us more too..to be a more better person. After all these heavy feeling.. i know I will learn some lessons in the end.

Over a cup of tea..I am beginning to think of more wonderful things now other than being sad and paranoid. I think I am alright now!

Enjoy your day & thank's for being sympathetic.