18

I sat in front of my laptop, reflecting on the past 18 years...

My daughter just turned 18 today. Where did the time go?

I can't help but wonder how did she grow up so fast?

But that’s the reality of life. They grow up right before our eyes, and sometimes we don’t even notice how quickly it happens.

The once tiny little girl with chubby cheeks and a cheerful smile is now becoming a young lady.

What?! I screamed an emotion I can’t quite describe. I still can’t believe how fast time flies.

From a little girl to a blooming young woman.

I have to give kudos to myself and my husband, too. She has grown into a beautiful soul—still cheerful, full of passion and positivity, someone who takes care of herself, speaks her mind with confidence, and approaches life with boldness and grace. She’s learning to be independent and discovering the world around her.

Even as she steps into adulthood, she will always be my baby girl.

Happy 18th birthday, my love Iza! 💖

love mama,

Ai

When Love Hurts

 

🌿 

It’s hard to put into words the pain of watching someone you love spiral into addiction. Especially when that person is your own brother.

Every day, I watch him suffer in ways that I can’t fix, can’t stop, and sometimes can’t even look at without breaking. His choices, his addiction, his chaos it’s all become a storm that doesn’t just destroy him but shatters everyone around him too.

Our family, once happy and united, has become distant and fragile. What used to be joyful meals and laughter are now replaced with tension, silence, or shouting. It’s like the soul of our family has been buried under the weight of fear, anger, and shame.

People don’t come around anymore. They avoid us afraid to be pulled into the mess. And honestly, I understand. But it hurts. It hurts to feel isolated in your pain. It hurts to carry the shame of someone else's choices. It hurts to want to love someone who keeps breaking everything around them.

Sometimes, I sit and think… how I wish my dad was still alive. I wish he were here to be the strong shield that could have protected all of us. Maybe his strength, his presence, would have held our family together through this storm. But maybe, just maybe, he was taken away early not to witness all this mess. Maybe he was spared, because he deserved peace.
And honestly, so do we.

What makes it worse is the denial. My mum, out of love or maybe desperation, keeps telling people that my brother is just sick, not addicted. She covers up his behavior, explains away the broken pieces, and shields him from judgment. But while she protects him, the rest of us suffer in silence.

And that silence is slowly destroying us.

I've tried to ignore it. I've tried to live my own life. But I worry all the time for our safety, for my parents’ health, for what this is doing to our emotional well-being. It’s a silent war in our home, and no one wants to call it what it is.

To anyone else going through this: you’re not alone. I see you. I feel your ache. And I want to share this letter, not just for my mum, but for all the families who are silently breaking under the weight of addiction.

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💔 An Open Letter to My Mama (And to Every Silent Family)

Dear Mama,

I love you. I always will. But I need you to hear this from the depth of my heart:

I’m hurting.

I see what’s happening to our family, and it’s breaking me inside. I know you love him. I do too. But love doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay. Love doesn’t mean lying to protect someone from consequences. Love doesn’t mean covering up the pain.

Mama, your silence makes everything heavier. When you say he’s just sick, when you protect him from the truth we all suffer more.

I know you’re scared. I know you don’t want people to judge him. But addiction is not just his battle. It has become ours, whether we chose it or not. And pretending doesn’t make it go away, it just buries us deeper.

I feel so alone sometimes. I feel like no one wants to help because no one wants to be part of our chaos. I need you to see that. I need you to see me and my other brother. I’m trying to stay strong, yes we both are, but we're exhausted. I’m grieving the family we once had. I’m grieving the brother I used to know. I’m grieving the joy we’ve lost.

And I’m grieving Dad too. Every day. I miss him more now than ever. I wish he were here to guide us, protect us, speak the truth when we’re too afraid. But maybe, just maybe, he was taken so early because he didn’t deserve to carry this weight. Maybe he was given peace before the storm arrived.

Mama, I don’t want to keep pretending. I don’t want to live in fear. I want peace, not fake peace that comes from silence, but the real kind that comes from truth and healing.

Maybe he doesn’t want help right now. But that doesn’t mean we stop living. That doesn’t mean we stop being honest. That doesn’t mean we stop protecting ourselves.

And for now, I am surrendering everything to God. Our pain, our fears, our brokenness




and letting Him navigate where this storm takes us. I know I can’t control it all, but I trust that He can carry what we no longer can.

Mama, I need you to stand with me in truth. For our family. For yourself. For me.

With love,
Ai

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🌱 Final Words

Addiction doesn’t just destroy the addict, it cracks the foundation of families, dreams, and hearts. But silence and denial are not love. Honesty is. Boundaries are. And healing... real healing, starts when we speak the truth out loud.

To anyone reading this who feels the same quiet ache: your story matters. Your pain is real. And you deserve support, safety, and hope.

You are not alone anymore.

xo,

Ai

Choose Greatness, Choose Your Circle

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it truly means to be great. We live in a world that often defines greatness by external measures: titles, accolades, wealth, influence. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that to be great, we must associate with those who are already at the top. The high achievers. The influencers. The ones society deems "successful."

But the more I grow, the more I realize:

Greatness isn’t about proximity to success. It’s about alignment with purpose.

Kraków old square

Who You Surround Yourself With Matters

The people we choose to spend our time with shape our thoughts, our energy, and ultimately, our direction. This doesn’t mean we have to surround ourselves with the richest, the smartest, or the most well-known people. It means we must choose those whose values echo our own, whose presence challenges us to be better in ways that feel true, and whose energy resonates with the life we're building not the life we’re trying to imitate.

There’s a saying that goes:
“Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.”

It’s simple, but powerful. And it holds so much truth.
Your circle influences you more than you realize it. Your mindset, your habits, your courage, even your capacity to dream.
You grow in the direction of those you surround yourself with.

There’s a difference between impressing people and connecting with people.

And often, the greatest moments of growth happen not when we chase impressive company, but when we settle into authentic community.

Greatness Is Not Imitation

It’s tempting to assume that if we want to be great, we must follow those who have “made it.” But greatness doesn’t always come from climbing someone else’s ladder. Sometimes, it’s found in building your own, step by step, with those who understand where you’ve come from and where your heart wants to go.

When we surround ourselves with people who live with honesty, humility, and heart people who may not be in the spotlight but who live their lives with quiet integrity we choose a different kind of greatness. A deeper one. A grounded one.

The Polish Way of Choosing People

Living between two cultures Filipino and Polish has opened my eyes to how different cultures shape the way we choose our circles.

Filipinos are known for their warmth and hospitality. We easily welcome people into our homes and into our hearts. Friendship is often given freely, and we tend to trust first, love openly, and accept others without hesitation.

But the Polish culture has taught me something different something powerful.

Polish people are among the friendliest and most hospitable people I know. They’ll share a warm meal with you, offer a helping hand, and treat you like family once you’ve earned a place in their world. But when it comes to choosing their close friends or inner circle, they are incredibly discerning.

Trust is not freely given in Polish culture it is earned. And once you earn it, it’s deep and unwavering. They don’t rush relationships. They observe. They protect their space. They wait to see who you truly are not the version you show, but the one you live.

What I admire is how the Polish people seem to have mastered the art of choosing who truly belongs in their circle. Not out of coldness, but out of care. Not from exclusion, but from intention. Once you’re in, they’ll stand by you, wholeheartedly.

That contrast between my Filipino openness and Polish discernment has helped me redefine how I choose my own circle. I've learned to carry both values: to lead with kindness, but also with clarity.

Energy Doesn’t Lie

You’ll feel it when you’re around the right people.

Not the most successful by society’s standards, but the most in tune with who you are becoming. These are the people who:

• Challenge you to grow without tearing you down.

• Accept your current state but won’t let you settle there.

• Speak truth into your life, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Cheer for you not because you’re impressive, but because you’re authentic.

This is the kind of circle that nourishes greatness from the inside out.

The Takeaway: Choose Your Circle With Intention

Being intentional about your circle isn’t about excluding people—it’s about honoring your path. It’s about knowing that not everyone is meant to walk every part of the journey with you. Some are for a season. Some are for a lifetime. And some, though they may seem "ideal" from the outside, are not meant for your soul.

So today, if you’re reflecting on your circle, ask yourself:

• Do these people help me align with my values?

• Do I feel seen, heard, and encouraged to grow?

• Do they hold space for the version of me I am now and the one I am becoming?

If yes, then you are already in the presence of greatness. Not because of who they are in society, but because of who they are in your life.

Choose greatness. Choose your circle.

Because your circle can either drain you or help you rise.

You choose!

Cheers!

xo,

Ai

Love or Control? Relationships Are Built on Trust, Not Ownership

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on something that many of us don’t talk about enough - relationship manipulation.

I've seen friends hesitate to post their own face online, avoid showing up at events, or hide parts of their lives, not because they’re doing anything wrong, but because their partner isn’t "aware" of their whereabouts. Some fear judgment, others fear conflict. But at the core of it, this behavior is often rooted in manipulation masked as love.

But let’s be real. Aren’t relationships built on trust, mutual respect, and partnership?
Not control. Not fear. Not ownership.

For me, I cannot and will not live in a relationship where I have to shrink, hide, or constantly adjust just to make the other person feel comfortable. Love should not cost you your freedom.

Both people in a relationship should be able to live their own lives. Together as partners, while still having the grace and space to enjoy freedom and privacy. You can be deeply connected to someone and still be your own person.

Boundaries aren’t a threat. They’re a sign of emotional maturity.
Trust doesn’t mean control. It means giving space without suspicion.
Privacy doesn’t mean secrets. It means respecting the individual within the union.

When there is real trust, there’s no need to imagine the worst when your partner is out with friends, posts a photo, or takes a moment for themselves. There is peace, not paranoia.

A loving relationship should feel like a safe place to grow, not a place to wither away under expectations, guilt, or emotional pressure. It’s a partnership not ownership.

So if you ever find yourself dimming your light, hiding your smile, or editing your life to keep someone else comfortable… pause.

You deserve more.
You deserve someone who sees your light and loves you for it, not someone who wants to turn it off.
You deserve a relationship built on mutual comfort, not one where only one person gets to feel safe.

Because love isn’t about keeping someone small.
It’s about growing together, with freedom, with trust, and with deep, mutual respect.

Cheers!

xo,

Ai

The Irony of What Not

Somewhere between growing up with a list of "do’s" from my parents and a digital feed full of "what not to do" from self-proclaimed life gurus, I realized something: life is basically one giant contradiction wrapped in good intentions and irony.

Let’s unpack, shall we?

The Irony of Advice

I was once told, “Just be yourself, and don’t care what people think!”
Cut to five minutes later, someone squints at my outfit and says it’s “brave, bold, seductive… and maybe not modest enough.”

Hmmm.... brave how?
Brave like I slayed a dragon on the way here?
Or brave like I clearly lost a fight with my closet and wore the consequences?

I wasn’t sure, but suddenly I cared a lot.
Scoreboard: Irony – 1, Me – curled up in self-doubt under a questionable jacket or worse a cardigan that screamed Manang ( old woman's) like fashion.

The Irony of Perfection

Perfection is the goal. But be authentic.
Be confident. But stay humble.
Be yourself. But not too much some parts of you might not be "aesthetic." 

But seriously, what even is aesthetic, anyway?

Minimalist neutrals? A curated feed? or just whatever makes other people comfortable with your existence?

The Irony of Self-Care

Bubble baths and face masks as a cure for burnout and stress, never mind the unpaid labor that quietly piles up behind the scenes.
Work-life balance is preached like gospel, but the hustle culture still gets standing ovation.
“Rest is resistance,” they say. But so is pushing through.

So, are we resting agressively now? I don't think so.

I'll admit, I've been guilty of this performative kind of self-care too.

But these days, I'm learning to prioritize rest not just through skincare rituals, but by choosing silence.

Silence from the endless pings of online life.

Silence from the noice of city hustles and people constantly performing productivity.

Sometimes, true self-care is not a scented candle, it is just not being available for everyone.

The Irony of Progress

Thanks to Wi-Fi and mobile gadgets, we’re more connected than ever—yet lonelier than ever.
We chase freedom through routines.
We gain knowledge faster, but somehow lose wisdom in the scroll.

We're evolving, sure, but are we really arriving?

Life, it seems, is full of ironic “what nots.”
Don’t say this. Don’t wear that. Don’t feel too much. Don’t rest too long. Don’t show up too real.

But maybe the trick isn’t to avoid them.
Maybe the real win is to laugh at them, learn from them, and live a little lighter in the process.

So here’s to the irony of what not, the things we’re warned against that somehow end up shaping who we are…
In the best possible, messiest, most gloriously human way.

Cheers to doing it “wrong,” and still turning out just fine.

XO,

Ai

My life is so boring, I could write a thriller about it.🙄🤭

• I read books and of course, hoard them like they’re going out of print.
• I meditate and pray a lot! ( sometimes for people who seriously need it.)
• I listen to podcasts like I’m earning a PhD in random knowledge.
• I play the same Spotify playlist every day like it’s a sacred ritual.
• I’m raising two sweet teenagers who think I’m both annoying and wise. (They’re not wrong.)
• I teach and mentor people to prioritize their mental health, set boundaries, and treat self-care like brushing teeth: daily and it is non-negotiable.
• I cook and bake at home. Not to impress, but to de-stress (and yes, I talk to my dough) and it is my love language.

• I paint and hoard brushes like I’m preparing for an art apocalypse.

  

  one of my paintings that made it to the USA

• I do weight training and breathwork because lifting dumbbells and exhaling dramatically is cheaper than therapy. ( I swear! been there and done that)
• My calendar is jam-packed from 6 AM to 11 PM, Monday to Sunday. I schedule “breathe” in between “replies to my SocMed notifications” and “remember to exist.”
• 10 PM is bedtime. It’s non-negotiable. Even Trump can’t move that slot.
• Rest is my secret weapon and it’s how I stay sane, sparkly, and sort of functional.

And honestly? I wouldn’t trade this gloriously “boring” life for anything.

Now tell me, what’s your brand of boring? 😏