Maybe This Season Is About YOU!

 

Maybe Right Now, It’s All About You

Maybe right now, your journey isn’t about love.

Maybe this season of your life is all about you, about finding out who you truly are when no one else is defining you.

Life has a way of slowing us down and redirecting us when we least expect it. And perhaps this is that moment for you. A moment where the focus shifts not on relationships, not on expectations, not on anyone else but entirely on you.

This season might be about challenging your inner core, peeling back the layers to understand your heart, your soul, and what truly brings you peace. It’s about building a safe space within yourself where you can breathe, think, and simply exist without fear of judgment.

Right now, it’s okay if you’re not chasing love or giving your all to someone else. Maybe this season isn’t about filling your life with people or putting everything in one basket. Maybe it’s about walking away from the ones who hurt you, from the things that drained you, and from the situations that no longer serve your growth.

It’s about saying:

“I deserve better. I deserve peace. I deserve me.”

This isn’t running away; it’s finding your way back to you.

To your strength. To your joy. To your own company and realizing it’s enough.

One day, you’ll look back at this chapter and realize how necessary it was. Because this is where you rebuild. This is where you rise. This is where you remind yourself that being on your own doesn’t mean being lonely it means being whole.

And you will be okay. In fact, you’ll be more than okay. You’ll find your way back to yourself, and that is the greatest love story you’ll ever write.

Much love,

xo

Ai

Love or Control? Relationships Are Built on Trust, Not Ownership

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on something that many of us don’t talk about enough - relationship manipulation.

I've seen friends hesitate to post their own face online, avoid showing up at events, or hide parts of their lives, not because they’re doing anything wrong, but because their partner isn’t "aware" of their whereabouts. Some fear judgment, others fear conflict. But at the core of it, this behavior is often rooted in manipulation masked as love.

But let’s be real. Aren’t relationships built on trust, mutual respect, and partnership?
Not control. Not fear. Not ownership.

For me, I cannot and will not live in a relationship where I have to shrink, hide, or constantly adjust just to make the other person feel comfortable. Love should not cost you your freedom.

Both people in a relationship should be able to live their own lives. Together as partners, while still having the grace and space to enjoy freedom and privacy. You can be deeply connected to someone and still be your own person.

Boundaries aren’t a threat. They’re a sign of emotional maturity.
Trust doesn’t mean control. It means giving space without suspicion.
Privacy doesn’t mean secrets. It means respecting the individual within the union.

When there is real trust, there’s no need to imagine the worst when your partner is out with friends, posts a photo, or takes a moment for themselves. There is peace, not paranoia.

A loving relationship should feel like a safe place to grow, not a place to wither away under expectations, guilt, or emotional pressure. It’s a partnership not ownership.

So if you ever find yourself dimming your light, hiding your smile, or editing your life to keep someone else comfortable… pause.

You deserve more.
You deserve someone who sees your light and loves you for it, not someone who wants to turn it off.
You deserve a relationship built on mutual comfort, not one where only one person gets to feel safe.

Because love isn’t about keeping someone small.
It’s about growing together, with freedom, with trust, and with deep, mutual respect.

Cheers!

xo,

Ai

Kilig or Coping? A Grown-Up Love Story (With Myself)

 Lately, while writing something completely unrelated, I paused mid-sentence and thought:

"Wait… is this kilig? Or is this just a trauma response in disguise?"

That one question spiraled into a rabbit hole of curiosity. So here we are.

Do You Still Feel Kilig at This Age?

(By the way, I’m in my mid-40s—yes, I am!) 😌

Let’s be real: kilig hits differently these days.
Gone are the high school days when a simple “Hi” from your crush could make your heart do jumping jacks. Now, it takes more than just butterflies, it takes emotional safety, clarity, and a solid check-in with your inner child.

So, QOTD (Question of the Day):
Do you still feel kilig at this age? Or are we all collectively living in our manhid era? 😂

I asked myself this too, and here’s my honest answer:
Rarely na, gurl. And when it does happen, it’s situational AF.

It depends on:

• Who the person is

• What kind of connection we have

• The context (Was it 2AM or 2PM?)

• And more importantly… is the feeling safe or is it lowkey triggering?

Because here’s the kicker:
Not all kilig is created equal. Sometimes, what feels like spark is actually our nervous system reacting to something familiar like chaos, inconsistency, or unhealed wounds.

When Kilig is Actually a Trauma Response

Yep. That soft flutter in the chest? Sometimes it’s not love or romance, it’s survival mode dressed in dopamine. 😬( slap in the face)

I’ve had to ask myself:

• Am I feeling excited because someone’s presence is calming and kind?

• Or am I “excited” because my system is on high alert, trying to win validation or recreate old patterns?

It’s tricky, right?

So now, I find myself wondering:
Is this real kilig or just my inner child clinging to a red flag? 🚩🤡

The Adulting Version of Kilig.....

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love, spark, and all things kilig.
But these days, it looks different.

It’s feeling seen during a deep convo.
It’s someone remembering how you take your coffee.
It’s peace in their presence and not chaos.
It’s being attracted to people who feel like growth, not confusion.

So my final thoughts...

To anyone out there who still feels kilig, I see you.
To those who don’t anymore—you’re not broken. Maybe you’re just healing.
And to those wondering if what they’re feeling is real or just a trauma loop: keep asking. Self-awareness is hot now.

How about you?
Do you still get kilig? Or do you also have moments where you’re like:
"Wait… is this healing or just high-functioning heartbreak?"

Let’s talk in the comments. 👇

Gratitude in Every Season: Embracing Life with a Thankful Heart

There are countless things in life to be thankful for—many of which we tend to overlook in the hustle of our everyday routines. We often wait for the "big" blessings—promotions, breakthroughs, victories—to trigger our gratitude. But the truth is, every day offers quiet gifts that deserve our recognition: a peaceful morning, a kind word, a safe journey, or simply the ability to breathe freely and feel the sun on our skin.

A friend once shared these wise words with me:

“Life is short,live it. Love is rare, appreciate it. Anger is harmful, release it. Fear is paralyzing, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them.”

This simple yet profound statement has stayed with me, reminding me of how essential it is to pause and reflect on what truly matters. Let’s unpack each part, because within these lines lies a guide to living more meaningfully.

Life is Short, Live It!

We’ve all heard this before, but have we truly taken it to heart? Life is fragile and unpredictable. Time slips through our fingers whether we’re ready or not. So let’s stop waiting for the "perfect moment" to chase our dreams, reconnect with someone we love, or do something we’ve always wanted to do. Every moment is a gift, and we honor that gift by choosing to live it fully.

Love is Rare. Appreciate It

In a world where relationships can feel fleeting, genuine love, in any form is a treasure. Whether it’s romantic love, the loyalty of a friend, or the warmth of family, let’s not take it for granted. Appreciate the people who stay, support, and uplift you. Tell them they matter. Show them you care.

Anger is Harmful, Release It!

Anger, if held too long, becomes a heavy burden. It consumes more of us than it does the person we’re angry at. Releasing anger doesn’t mean we deny our feelings. It means we choose peace over bitterness. We create space for healing, growth, and grace.

Fear is Paralyzing. Face It!

Fear holds us back often not from danger, but from possibility. It whispers lies about our worth and our chances. But when we face our fears, we take back control. We realize that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the decision to move forward in spite of it.

Memories are Sweet, Cherish Them

The past is gone, but its echoes remain. In our memories live the laughter, the lessons, and the love that shaped us. Don’t just look back in nostalgia and honor those moments. They’re part of your story, and they deserve a place in your heart.

Living with Thankfulness

Life is a journey made up of ordinary days and extraordinary moments. It isn’t always easy, but within every chapter whether it is joyful or painful, there is something to be grateful for. And even when we feel like we’ve lost much or been denied something we hoped for, there’s another truth that grounds us:

“If we can’t be grateful for what we have, let us at least be thankful for what we have been spared from.”

That shift in perspective can transform our lives. It’s easy to focus on what’s missing, but gratitude redirects our attention to what remains our resilience, our loved ones, our chances to try again.

So today, and every day, may we choose to live with thankful hearts. May we find beauty in simplicity, grace in struggle, and hope in the unknown.

With this, I am thankful for all of you reading this.

much love,

Aixo

A Reflection on Motherhood

 

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this May and in Poland, on May 26. I’d like to take a moment to reflect on what it means to be a mom here, and as a Filipina. It is a mix of both cultures, values, and ways of nurturing, yet motherhood carries one shared responsibility—no matter your background, culture, or upbringing.

Motherhood is a journey of many layers. It’s not just about raising children. It’s about becoming someone new while still holding on to who you were before.

It is waking up early to prepare for the day, working hard either at home, in an office, or both and carrying the invisible weight of emotional labor. It is answering questions, solving problems, offering hugs, setting boundaries, and worrying deeply in silence.

It is being the center of a family’s universe while sometimes feeling invisible in your own.

It is holding space for others while slowly learning to hold space for yourself.

Motherhood is a role that never clocks out. It teaches endurance, creativity, patience, and love that defies logic. It asks you to be strong on the days you feel most vulnerable. It teaches you to stretch your time, your heart, your limits and more often beyond what you thought possible.

But within that stretching, there is also growth.

In the whirlwind of responsibilities, it becomes easy to forget that behind “Mom” is a woman. A human being with dreams, needs, and her own story. Tiredness becomes normal. Rest, option. But slowly, we begin to understand: taking care of ourselves is not a luxury, it is part of the responsibility.

Because the more nourished we are, the more fully we can love. The more rested we are, the more deeply we can give. The more we honor our own humanity, the more we teach our children to honor theirs.

So here’s to the mothers who show up, day after day, with quiet strength and deep love.

Here’s to those still learning to give to themselves what they so freely give to others.

And here’s to the truth: motherhood is not just a role we play. It is a lifelong transformation and we are allowed to grow alongside the children we raise.

Cheers to all Mother's in the world!

xo,

Ai

Of Ghosts and Shadows: The Parts We Never Leave Behind

There are two things we never truly leave behind: our ghosts and our shadows.

We’ve all felt the sting of being ghosted — that painful silence when someone vanishes without a word, leaving us wondering what we did wrong. Ghosting isn’t just about the absence of a person; it’s about the absence of closure, respect, and dignity. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or even professional ties, ghosting leaves us haunted.

But sometimes, ghosting isn’t something done to us. Sometimes, we carry the ghost within. The ghosts of our past — mistakes we can’t undo, words we can’t take back, lies we told to protect or to harm, choices we regret. These ghosts don’t scream; they whisper, rising up when we’re alone, reminding us of who we were and what we’re afraid to face.

And then, there are the shadows.

Unlike ghosts, shadows never leave us. They follow us in the light and vanish in the dark. They are quiet reminders of who we are when no one is watching. Our shadows reflect our inner truths — the parts we hide, the parts we still need to heal. They ask us to pause before we project, to reflect before we act, and to look inward before pointing outward.

When we run from our ghosts or ignore our shadows, we only end up repeating cycles, hurting others, or denying what needs healing. But when we acknowledge them — really see them — they become guides. They teach us stillness, strength, and the power of honesty.

So the next time you feel haunted by silence, by the past, or by your own thoughts, stand in the light. Look at your shadow. Listen to your ghost. They might not go away, but when you stop running, they’ll stop chasing you.

Remember:

You are not your mistakes.

You are not their absence.

You are the strength that rises when you finally face what lingers in the dark.

#HealingThroughWords #GhostsAndShadows #PersonalGrowth #EmbraceTheLight

There Are So Many Ways to Be Happy

Happiness is not a destination—it’s a journey. While many of us seek a grand, all-encompassing sense of joy, true happiness often comes from the small, everyday moments that we sometimes overlook. There is no single formula for happiness because everyone’s path is unique. However, here are some beautiful and diverse ways to cultivate joy in your life:

1. Embrace Gratitude

Happiness begins with appreciating what you have. Keeping a gratitude journal, saying “thank you” more often, or simply reflecting on your blessings can shift your mindset toward positivity.

2. Connect with Others

Human connection is essential for happiness. Spend quality time with loved ones, engage in meaningful conversations, and nurture relationships that bring out the best in you.

3. Engage in Activities You Love

Hobbies and passions give life color. Whether it’s painting, dancing, playing an instrument, or gardening, doing what you love fills your soul with joy.

4. Prioritize Your Well-being

Taking care of your body and mind leads to a happier life. Regular exercise, nourishing food, and quality sleep contribute to overall well-being.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Living in the present moment reduces stress and enhances joy. Simple mindfulness exercises such as meditation, deep breathing, or savoring a cup of tea can make a difference.

6. Give Back

Helping others creates a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Acts of kindness, volunteering, or simply offering a listening ear can bring immense joy to both you and those around you.

7. Surround Yourself with Positivity

The environment you create influences your happiness. Choose uplifting people, declutter your space, and consume content that inspires and motivates you.

8. Celebrate Small Wins

Happiness comes from recognizing progress, no matter how small. Celebrate your achievements, acknowledge your growth, and take pride in your efforts.

9. Explore and Learn

New experiences bring excitement and joy. Travel, learn a new skill, or try something outside of your comfort zone—it keeps life interesting and fulfilling.

10. Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Holding on to negativity only diminishes happiness. Learn to release past regrets, forgive yourself and others, and focus on what you can change.

At the end of the day, happiness is about finding joy in the simple things and making the most of every moment. There are countless ways to be happy—so find what speaks to your heart and embrace the journey with an open mind and a grateful spirit.

xo,

Ai

I am wintering!

Winter is still here, not just in the world outside, but in the rhythm of our lives too. It’s a season for slowing down, for leaning into rest, for retreating into warmth, and for looking inward.

Wintering is more than just a time on the calendar. It’s a way of being, a surrender to the cold and the quiet, a recognition that sometimes, we need to rest. The earth is still, and so are we. It’s a season for nurturing the seeds of growth that we can’t see yet, trusting that when the time comes, they will bloom.

But wintering is also a time of deep transformation and healing. As the world outside freezes and retreats, we too have the space to transform in ways that are often invisible to the eye. In the stillness, we can confront what needs to be healed, letting go of old patterns, fears, and doubts that no longer serve us. It’s the quiet work of renewal, even if it’s not immediately apparent.

Wintering has taught me the power of healing, growth, and transformation. It has shown me how to bear the loss of people so dear to me—those I thought were essential, that I once believed were always meant to be part of my life. Yet, through the stillness of this season, I’ve come to understand that loss is also part of the journey. It is within this space that I’ve learned to find strength in letting go and creating room for new chapters.

Right now, I am in my own winter. I am sitting in stillness, grounding myself, embracing the art of letting go. There is power in this quiet solitude, a profound peace that comes from simply being, without the pressure to do or become. I am learning to trust the process, knowing that even in the cold, the ground beneath me is still working, supporting me as I transform.

If you’re in the season of wintering, take it as an invitation to rest deeply. Tend to yourself with softness and grace. Know that even when everything feels dormant, the groundwork for new beginnings is being laid, unseen. Winter is a reminder that growth comes in cycles—and sometimes, the best thing we can do is let the season be, allowing it to heal, teach, and transform us from the inside out.

I am wintering.

xo,

Ai

Catching My Flights of In-Between Feelings

Today, I took the chance to take a selfie and capture the feelings of my day. Yesterday was terrible—a whirlwind of emotions that left me catching my flights of in-between feelings. As I reflect on it now, I realize how important it is to write this feeling down in my journal or share it with others who might relate and resonate with my experience.

This caption, "Catching my flights of in-between feelings," holds a poetic and metaphorical weight that perfectly encapsulates my emotional state. It speaks of transition, uncertainty, and the delicate balance of processing one’s emotions.

Catching My Flights
The act of "catching" suggests intention—actively noticing and engaging with my emotional landscape. These "flights" are more than transitions; they are the vessels carrying me from one emotional state to another. Flights symbolize movement, exploration, and even escape. Just as a traveler navigates airports and layovers, I find myself navigating moments of joy, pain, doubt, and hope.

Of In-Between Feelings
The "in-between feelings" are the heart of this metaphor. They represent those moments when emotions resist definition, blending into one another like shades on a canvas. It’s the space where sadness intertwines with longing, where hope fights to emerge from despair. These are not solid destinations but transient states—fleeting yet profound.

Yesterday’s terrible day was full of these in-between feelings—moments when I didn’t know whether to feel defeated or determined, to cry or laugh at the absurdity of it all. But today, I choose to acknowledge them, to name them, and to embrace them.

A Selfie as a Moment of Reflection
The selfie I took is more than just an image; it’s a visual marker of this emotional journey. It holds within it the vulnerability of yesterday and the resilience of today. Through this caption, I am not just capturing a photograph but also the essence of what it means to sit with discomfort and uncertainty.

In sharing this, I hope others might find solace or connection. We all have days like these—when our feelings seem too big to handle or too abstract to name. And yet, in the act of naming them, journaling about them, or sharing them with others, we take a step closer to understanding ourselves.

Catching my flights of in-between feelings reminds me that emotions, like flights, are transient. They are a passage, not a destination. Yesterday may have been terrible, but today, I am choosing to carry my in-between feelings with grace and curiosity.

xo,

Ai

**Reflecting on 2024: A Year of Challenge, Growth, and Opportunity**

The year 2024 has proven to be a defining one in my life, marked by a series of challenges, profound personal growth, and invaluable opportunities. As I look back on the journey, I realize that this year has tested me in ways I never expected, pushing me to my limits both as a person and professionally. Yet, amid the hardships, I have discovered new strengths within myself and laid the groundwork for a brighter future. Through it all, my faith in God has been my anchor, providing me with the strength, resilience, and guidance I needed to keep moving forward.

 

at my thinnest 43 kls 

myself at 45 kls

On a personal level, 2024 has been a year where I’ve faced trials that have shaped my character. Family dynamics, which are often a source of support, have become a source of stress and uncertainty at times. Navigating these changes has been an emotional rollercoaster. Yet, through the turbulence, I’ve learned to communicate more openly, set clearer boundaries, and offer compassion where it was most needed. The family struggles I faced were not easy, but they allowed me to reflect on my values and how to support those I love in a healthier, more balanced way. In those moments of difficulty, I turned to God for comfort and guidance, trusting that He had a plan for me even when the road seemed unclear.

 

two of my support group 

My Spanish friends 

My best buddy

Sending my Spanish friends home

In addition to the family challenges, my mental health has been another aspect of my life that has deeply affected me this year. There were moments in 2024 when I struggled with anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of being overwhelmed by the weight of it all. Juggling personal and professional challenges, combined with the mental strain, felt like an insurmountable burden at times. But I’ve learned that acknowledging my mental health struggles was the first step in healing. I have sought help, practiced self-care, and leaned on my faith to get through the toughest days. Through this experience, I’ve realized the importance of mental health and the need to normalize conversations around it. Mental health, often overlooked or misunderstood, is a critical part of overall well-being, and I want to advocate for it more in 2025. I hope to use my voice and experiences to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and encourage others to prioritize their mental health as much as their physical health.

Amid these struggles, I found a surprising source of healing in painting. What began as a simple pastime soon became an essential outlet for my emotions. Painting allowed me to express feelings I could not put into words, providing me with a peaceful, creative space to release stress and reflect on my inner world. The process of creating something from nothing has given me a sense of accomplishment and calm. In moments when life felt chaotic, the act of painting became a therapeutic release and a reminder of my ability to create beauty from pain. As I look ahead, I hope to continue using art as a source of healing, and I believe it will play a role in my mental well-being in the years to come.

my first awful painting

the travel painting workshop we attended with my daughter

Friendship, too, has played a significant role in shaping this year. I lost friends, and while the pain of those losses was difficult to bear, it also made me question the nature of true friendship and what I truly need in my social circles. Losing friends can be a painful experience, but it also revealed to me how important it is to surround myself with people who genuinely uplift and support me. On the other hand, 2024 has also blessed me with the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, rekindling relationships that I thought were lost to time and distance. In addition, I’ve made new connections with incredible people who have enriched my life and shown me the power of forming deep, authentic bonds. Through these changes in my friendships, I’ve relied on God’s guidance to help me discern who belongs in my life and how to be a better friend in return.

 

two of the great soul I know - Cheers for a lifetime of friendship

reunited with Donna this year

always by support buddy & bestfriend/confidant

my favourite Ate Luz - I won't trade her to any other friendships

Me & Neva in our best self

Professionally, this year has been both a trial and a triumph. I took a significant leap of faith by diving into the world of business—an area I am still learning to navigate. It has been a steep learning curve, filled with setbacks and uncertainties. The ups and downs have at times been overwhelming, and there were moments when I questioned my ability to succeed. Yet, as challenging as it has been, this venture has also opened up new perspectives and skills that have made me more adaptable, resilient, and resourceful. I have learned that business, like life, is a journey of trial and error, and the key to success lies in the willingness to persevere despite the obstacles. Throughout this process, I have leaned on my faith, trusting that God would guide me and open the right doors at the right time. I’ve found peace in knowing that my efforts are part of a bigger plan, and that I am never alone in my struggles.

 

fun colleagues to work with after working hours

get to celebrate 20 years of the new company

As I continue to grow in this business, I am filled with hope and optimism for the future. Though the path has been slow, I am beginning to see small victories and steady progress. I have learned to trust the process, even when the results aren’t immediate. With each step forward, I am laying the foundation for something that has the potential to flourish in the coming years. While 2024 has been a year of learning, I am confident that 2025 will be the year when this venture truly begins to thrive. The lessons I’ve learned this year will continue to shape my approach to business and life in general, giving me the resilience and determination to face whatever comes next. And as I step into the new year, I trust in God’s continued guidance, knowing that He will provide the strength and wisdom I need to succeed.

 

first time sharing my journey and experience with the business

In reflection, 2024 has been a year that tested me in ways I could never have anticipated. It has challenged me as a person, forced me to grow in ways I didn’t think were possible, and given me opportunities that I will forever be grateful for. I have experienced loss, disappointment, and self-doubt, but I’ve also experienced growth, connection, and the unwavering belief that the challenges of today will lead to the successes of tomorrow. My faith in God has been a constant source of strength and hope throughout this year. As I look ahead to 2025, I carry with me the lessons and experiences of this year, knowing that I am better prepared for whatever lies ahead. With a renewed sense of purpose and trust in God's plan, I am ready to embrace the future and continue my journey of growth, both personally and professionally.

 

As this year draws to a close, I extend my warmest wishes for all that lies ahead. May 2025 be filled with prosperity, growth, and peace, and may we all find the strength to continue pursuing our dreams with faith and determination. Here's to a new year full of possibilities, and may God’s guidance continue to light our paths. Happy New Year! 🎇🎆🧨✨🎁💓

Much love,

xoAi