What 20 Years of Marriage Taught Me About Life and About Myself

Twenty years of marriage have been my ultimate teacher. Not because it was perfect, it wasn’t! But because it forced me to face life, love, and myself… often with coffee in one hand and a sigh in the other. And oh! coffee is our love language. When we call each other for “coffee talks,” it usually means we need to discuss something important… or that one of us is dealing with life’s chaos and needs a listening ear.

So grab your coffee and let me spill the tea! :-) ☕

1. Life is messy, and marriage is messier

Love isn’t neat. There are misunderstandings, frustrations, and those “why did I marry this person?” moments. Coffee talks help. Sometimes they’re about big things, sometimes about tiny annoyances like leaving dishes in the sink. But the act of sitting together, mugs in hand, beans freshly ground, brewing the perfect cup makes the chaos feel manageable. Life and love are messy, but having a partner willing to share the mess with you makes all the difference.

2. Commitment is more than comfort

Choosing to stay through hard times isn’t easy. True commitment is intentional a daily “yes” to growth, love, and figuring out how to share one bathroom without war. Coffee talks often happen here too: one of us venting, the other listening, sometimes with advice, sometimes just with silence and a sip of freshly brewed coffee. That ritual grinding, brewing, talking it out is where growth really happens.

3. Self-discovery never stops

Marriage is the ultimate mirror. It reflects your strengths, your quirks, and your shadows. I’ve learned where I shrink, where I overgive, and where I need to speak my truth. And yes! some of those discoveries happen mid-coffee talk, when we’re honest about our fears, frustrations, or dreams. Long-term love shows you that evolving as a person matters just as much as growing as a partner.

4. Friendship and laughter beat romance every time

Let’s be real: lasting love isn’t just fireworks or Kama Sutra positions. It’s inside jokes, quiet mornings, honest talks, and mutual respect. The things that actually hold a marriage together. And often, those laughs happen over coffee. Spilling a little, making a mess, teasing each other about who can grind the beans or brew the coffee, and that’s love in action.

5. Gratitude makes the ride worth it

After two decades, I appreciate the memories, the resilience, and the lessons. Life and love are richer when you celebrate what you’ve built instead of only worrying about what you hoped for. And nothing reminds you of that more than a quiet morning coffee together. It's a simple ritual that says: we’re still here, still choosing each other, and still laughing about the chaos.

My Takeaways?

Marriage teaches you about life, love, and yourself… and also that the secret to surviving 20 years together might just be: laughter, snacks, coffee, and letting them think that being “okay” is right.

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This post is my tribute, my dedication to my husband, G, and our 20 years of marriage. He has been my guiding light, helping me navigate life, myself, and everything in between throughout our relationship and as we’ve grown together as parents.

much love,

Ai