Till it happens to you...

More than a year ago, I lost my dad.  The person truly important to me.  I went through an existential crisis. At 36 years of age, I went through another quarter life crisis.  I started questioning myself whethere If it was the right decision that I left my country, my family in exchange of living a family life very far from them, What my purpose of living, how selfish I am of my time, if it was really meant to be this way, And all the more I questioned God - my faith. There were nights I weep my hearts out praying and asking the God I know... questions of 'why and how' . With that, I have all the self-doubts that people go through when crisis strikes.

As years passed, and after many talks with few close family and friends, I accepted my father's untimely death.  I realized too, that things happens to everyone unexpectedly...and instead I looked forward to do things that would heal me, my pains, strengthen my faith , self-doubt. instead divert my time and attention to things I've always wanted to do. 

You see...I started working when I was 3rd year in college to help finance a bit of my life in the university.  So, I never had more than 10 days for vacations.  

I've always dreamed of finishing a masteral degree in clinical psychology for I am convinced that I fitted to become one. ( really?) But since I am blessed to have work I love doing already, I set aside that dream. but if given a chance, i would still wanted to pursue it. 

I love travelling and meeting people. But never had the chance to travel more often then because I always set aside my money to help out with family's finances instead of me travelling. Now, we really save up and set aside budget for travel at least once a year to unwind and recharge our inner gypsies. 

After consultations from family and close friends, I've reconciled with myself...my feelings. I forgive myself and accepted my father's sudden passing.  

I have to put all things together and slowly realized the things I been wanting to do. 

Our life has been planned. Little did we know it. 

You'll never know what life can till it happens to you.  Life is not just what happens to you, it is what you make out of it.  

When one door closes, it is our own choice whether to be defeated by it or to take charge of the situation.

And, I've been asking this question to people lately:  What's one thing you need to let go of right now?  My answer  is to let go of self-doubt. It's always a matter of finding your balance and perspective, for no matter how much you plan your life according to what you think will satisfy and make you happy, God has plans for you that are far better than anything you can ever dreamed of.

Exactly, will never know life till it happens to you..........

xxooAi