6 months

 Hello 💕

How's Autumn been treating you? 🍂🍂🍂

It's freezingly cold 🥶😰 now in Poland. In fact, I am writing this, I am under my covers with cozy socks on. 🧦

I've missed few months again of not writing in here ( as promised). Hmmm....

It was such a roller coaster ride of emotions the past months as you've read from my previous post.

Well, things has been great so far. That is good news! 📰😁💓

Theraphy is still ongoing but so great progress, not only progress but improvement from my end so far.

I feel so wonderful and I could say that the healing I really set to myself has been accomplished by me. Healing is a decision.  To really focus on myself and acknowledged my emotions as I move forward is one great factor for me to understand what lies ahead.

That I can't rely on someone and I mustn't expect for someone to be with me. I have no hold of their emotions as well as how they will treat me poorly. But I have the option how to react and how to defend myself from being used over and over again! 

There is NO more sleepless nights but in fact, more sleeeepppinnggg 💤days. I just love to sleep now. Which means, no more cloudy things going in my head and thinking about stupid irrelevant people and things.

It has been 6 months since I started to focus on my theraphy and healing. 6 months is also the ideal timeline I gave myself to really put me back to where I should be and where I was prior. 

6 months has been tough but it was worth fighting for. Fighting to find healing for myself and to what I feel best for my recovery, from terrible nightmare. From being with a Narc for a longer time and for being in a company of friends that isn't the people I should be with first and foremost. We are learning from each encounters anyway. That's life! People come and go...we just have to learn how to let go. 

Letting go is hard. But once you decide for yourself that the negative feeling isn't serving you anymore because it is just more pain than love, it is easier to let things go.

When I experience that painful part of myself..from being so heartbroken, being used, lied over and over again, I replaced those pain toward my goals. Slowly diving into the pain....really working myself to feel the worst feeling in the world, then acknowledged it, seek help and then amazingly replaced those pain by focusing on my goals. It was worth it..I slowly learn to befriend with pain. The pain slowly subsides and replaced with so much love towards myself that which I've neglected for so long.

Loving yourself by putting more self-love is the best feeling solution and journey I took to attend healing.

In fact as I am writing this, I forgot about the pain but it is replaced more with so much love and pride to myself for fighting towards my freedom. I have forgiven the person who did me wrong and who have manipulated the very core of my being, instead, replaced it with so much fondness of my heart. The scar is there but the wound is healed. 

In restrospect, the relationship is doomed from the very beginning. So I also understand that I put more scar to the wound before. I had the options to get off from from the 1st station of the train during the first journey, than still moving forward further journey. It was worth an experience after all taking that long journey...I've learned so much things towards myself and the lessons in life moving forward.

I know, I know ...things has been so confusing for those of you reading this for now. If you are following me through my writings here.. you will try to understand every bit of emotions I've been through. No need to know more about it anyway. 😁

Finding healing isn't a joke but I look at it as a journey towards myself. Getting to know more the innermost core of my being. 

Importantly I know, I keep on polishing my life still here in Poland and living like being Polish-ed all the time.

After all, it is worth the painful ride!

Journey with me more........

Ciao! 

xo

Ai