Thursday, March 03, 2016

10 years living in an old house

Thursday, March 03, 2016

The past months is such a struggle and stressful journey for me and my husband. I lose a lot of weight (as you can see in my previous photo). I suffered from mild depression, sleeping patterns is so erratic, and eating became an option for me and worst it threatens my health. The used to be sociable-cheerful me disposes overnight. I was looking for true good friends around to talk and be with me, but I found only few who really know and understand my situation. Of course, I understand people change and they've got their lives to live as well.  To be honest, those that values you never would abandon you.

I also became too private and non existent to my Filipino community here in Poland, not because I'm avoiding them (perhaps that's one reason too not create another stress, u know what I mean). Instead, I created a wall in between my relationships without feeling attached. It's kind of defense mechanism for me. One thing I've learned by detaching from people, you will know who's real to you and who's not.  But, I became more aware of myself, for this time I don't need an opinion to anyone to just be accepted. I became more real and weird for just being myself.

Today, while reading this blog post of Ms. Rica Peralejo, I realised I'm not alone with my struggles. Yes! We left the old house we are living in for 10 years full of emotional struggles yet the only answer is to LET GO and LET GOD take the wheel.
We let go of a lot of stuffs and even wondering how I accumulate a lot of things when I barely need or wear them. Each time I pulled out something from each boxes and drawers, it reminded me of a lot of memories. But I can never store them all at once just lurking in a box or place, some of them has to go and maybe someone can put a life into it again. Memories is something I can store in my heart and mind forever. It is something not tangible, all the more not disposable.
We let go of the emotional grudges, conflicts made within that old house.  Instead , we create bridges to connect us again with each that old house up to our new place . of course, I would miss the chirping of the birds infront of the garden, the freshly blooms of flowers every morning.

And now, while settling to our new home for the next ( I don't know until when we can stay in this place) years, I can see hope, calming spirit, more reconciliation, bond and love. It takes risk and perseverance, but it's a matter of strengthening your faith above to let bygones be bygones.

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