Lord, have I done enough?

 “You too go into my vineyard.

To work in the Lord's vineyard.”

— Matthew 20:1–16

A very close friend of mine, now a priest serving in Canada, often sends me his Sunday Gospel reflection. It helps me a lot now during my Sunday prayer meditation.

I feel fortunate to be surrounded by people who not only pray along with me, but also remind me that God speaks through the Bible.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am really listening.

This morning, while doing my meditation, one thought from today's Gospel stayed with me:

“To work in the Lord’s vineyard.”

That phrase somehow touched a question I have been carrying quietly in my heart.

Lord, have I given enough?

Have I served You enough? followed you enough? Or being true to YOU enough?

I know I am not perfect, far from it.

I have made mistakes. I have questioned You. I have been impatient. I have complained. There were moments when my faith was strong, and there were moments when I was simply trying to hold on.

But I have tried.

I have tried to serve You in my own little ways: to love people more even if they're unlovable, to be more forgiving, to be faithful and to live my life as a witness of what I believe.

And now, here I am.

In this season of my life that I never expected.

With cancer.

And somewhere in the middle of all this, a question comes that perhaps I am still learning how to bring honestly before God:

“Lord, was I not enough?”

Was everything I gave still not enough?

And then another question, even harder to say:

“Did I deserve this sickness?”

I don't have an answer.

Maybe I never will.

But today's Gospel made me think that perhaps I have been looking at my relationship with God like a calculation.

I did this. I served here. I prayed. I tried to be good. So why is this happening to me?

As if God's love were something I could earn.

But perhaps the vineyard doesn't work that way.

Maybe God never asked me to earn my place.

Maybe He simply asked me to come and work alongside Him, with whatever I have, for however long I am able.

And perhaps my vineyard looks different now.

Maybe it is not about doing more.

Maybe, for this season, it is about being faithful in a different way.

To wake up and say thank You, even when I am afraid.

To face another medical appointment.

To endure another needle.

To accept help.

To pray when I have questions.

To choose hope when the road ahead is blurry.

To continue loving.

To continue believing.

And to continue simply being me.

Perhaps this is also working in His vineyard.

I don't know why God allowed this chapter in my story.

But I am slowly learning that I don't have to understand everything to remain close to Him.

And maybe the question I should be asking is no longer,

“Lord, have I done enough?”

but simply,

“Lord, what do You want me to do with the day You have given me?”

Today, I am still here.

Still alive.

Still praying.

Still questioning.

Still trying.

Still believing.

Still working in His vineyard, in whatever way He asks of me.

And perhaps, for today,

that is enough. 🙏🏻

Blessed Sunday everyone!

xo,

Ai 

What Does Your Heart Need Today?

It is mid-week, and we are already on the first stretch of September. Wow. How time flies so fast.

Today, I’d like to pause for a moment and assess my feelings.
I feel good today.
I woke up with worship and prayers in my heart, and somehow, after spending that quiet time with God, I felt so much better.

It has become quite usual now that I wake up way before my alarm clock even gets the chance to strike. Well, blame my overthinking mind or whatever it is that keeps calling me awake earlier than usual. No matter how tired I am, no matter how much fatigue seems to overpower me, I am wide awake as early as 4 a.m.

Anyhow, it is mid-week as I write this. It is still very summery here in Poland. The sun is shining so brightly, and it is warm...almost 30°C. yay!

And here I am, busy at work.

Business as usual.

Funny enough, work has become a kind of safe space for me lately. Maybe because no one talks about my sickness. No one thinks about it because, simply, no one knows.
Except my counselor, my supervisor.
And honestly, I think I would rather keep it that way for now.

Only a few people know the real story and the full details of what I am going through. I am still really sick. I am still waiting for the final verdict or perhaps a better word would be, the treatment plan.

An MRI is scheduled in two weeks.

Another test.
Another blood test.
Another needle.
Another pain to endure.

You probably know by now that I have a very low tolerance for needles. I am afraid of them. But somehow, along this journey, I have slowly learned to befriend them.

Well… what can I do now? 😂

Sometimes life puts us in situations we never imagined we would have to face.

And somehow, we learn to face them anyway.

Today, I am inspired by this beautiful verse:

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart.”

- Psalm 34:18

And today's thought is this:

Not every day will make us feel strong, positive, productive, or motivated.

And that is okay.

It is okay if you are not okay.

Some days, we just want to cry out loud.

Some days, we want to be lazy and do absolutely nothing.

Some days, our bodies simply ask us to rest.

And some days, all we can do is shout to God in prayer:

“God, I need You so badly today.”

All of these feelings are valid.

A hard day doesn't mean you are going backward.

Feeling tired doesn't mean you are weak.

Needing rest doesn't mean you are giving up.

Sometimes, resting is part of moving forward.

Tomorrow is another opportunity to begin again.

Because feelings are fleeting. They come, they stay for a while, and eventually, they pass.

So today, I want to ask myself, and perhaps ask yourself too:

What does your heart need most today?

Is it rest?

Prayer?

Encouragement?

A good cry?

Someone to simply listen?

Or perhaps… just a little grace?

Whatever it is, give yourself permission to need it.

And if today is a difficult day, remember:

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.

You don't have to have everything figured out today.

Just breathe.

Just pray.

Just take today as it comes.

Tomorrow can take care of itself.

things will be alright. In time.

like the lyrics of the song Leaves by Ben and Ben:

Leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees

And all will be alright in time

From waves overgrown come the calmest of seas

And all will be alright in time

Wounds of the past will eventually heal

And all will be alright in time

'Cause all of this comes with a love that is real

I said all will be alright in time.....

XO,

Aileen

✨Between Loss and Becoming✨

2025 was a defining year for me. It wasn’t an easy one, but a meaningful one.

I lost my brother, learned how to sit with grief, and had to navigate my emotions with patience, honesty, and courage. This year asked me to trust again: people, life, and my own strength to slow and with intention.

Also, I learned that I will no longer accept the bare minimum in any of my relationships. Loss sharpened my clarity: energy, presence, and honesty are precious, and I deserve depth, reciprocity, and care in every connection.

At the same time, 2025 marked a milestone as a mum. My daughter turned 18, and watching her grow into a well-rounded, independent, and deeply loving young woman reminded me of the growth I’ve invested in her and in myself. Seeing her confidence, compassion, and authenticity is a reminder that nurturing, patience, and presence truly matter.

This year was also a year of risk and learning in my young entrepreneurship life. I started a business I had no experience running, figuring things out one step at a time. Along the way, I discovered people I never expected would step up to support me and, conversely, those I thought would be there didn’t show up. It taught me so much about true support, loyalty, and the power of community. The process tested my patience and perseverance, but it also reminded me that growth often happens outside comfort zones and that taking risks can create new opportunities for learning and success.

All of these experiences reinforced my GROW 2025 vision: growth in resilience, relationships, authenticity, and purpose. Even in grief, uncertainty, and challenge, transformation is happening quietly, steadily, and powerfully.2025 wasn’t gentle, but it was honest. It stripped away what didn’t matter and highlighted what truly does. Some years don’t bring comfort, they bring depth. And that, too, is a gift.

How’s your 2025? Is it more of a gift or a loss?

 

My Year in Reflection: Learning the Art of Not Giving a F*ck

This year 2025, has been one of the most painful and eye-opening chapters of my life. I’ve been on flights I never imagined taking, especially the one where I lost my brother. Yes! I just lost my brother. It has been a month since (That deserves a different post. ).

Loss came in many forms, and each one forced me to sit with myself, face the truth, and grow in ways I didn’t ask for, but needed.

In the midst of all the grief, change, and emotional exhaustion, I started to understand something deeply: the art of not giving a f*ck.

Not in a way that shuts me off from the world, but in the way Mark Manson writes about it in his book The Subtle way of not giving a F*ck, recognizing that my energy, my love, my peace are limited, and only a few things truly deserve them.

And learning that has been humbling.

This year taught me that I don’t need to give parts of myself to everyone. That not every opinion deserves space in my head. That not every situation is worth breaking myself for. I learned to build boundaries like real ones. The kind that protect my spirit, my time, and my emotional health.

I learned that loving myself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

I learned that choosing myself isn’t abandonment. It’s strength.

I learned that the person I must care for the most… is me.

Through all the difficult goodbyes and quiet realizations, I found my way back to what truly matters, my inner core. My truth. My peace. My growth.

I’m still healing. I’m still learning. But I’m moving forward with a deeper sense of clarity about who I am, what I value, and what I will and will not accept in my life. And this time, I’m choosing me. This time, loudly, boldly, and without apology.

Here’s to honoring what matters, releasing what doesn’t, loving myself fully, and holding boundaries that protect my heart. 💛

Cheers,

xoAi

Embrace the Struggle

One of the most fascinating truths I’ve learned is that the struggle is good.

It’s easy to wish for ease, to hope things would just flow without friction. But growth doesn’t happen there. Strength, character, and clarity are forged in the middle of discomfort, doubt, and effort.

It has been a hard week for me. I’ve had to navigate my emotions in such a way that I could find the lighter side of things. May it be from personal to work-related struggles. But one thing that really motivated me to embrace the struggle this week is the art of reminding and practicing gratefulness.

During one of our office events, we had a short workshop on developing the skill of gratitude in training ourselves to look for three things to be grateful for within the first hour after waking up. It might sound simple, but it truly helps. This daily exercise has shifted my perspective, allowing me to focus on positivity and see the brighter side of things rather than the negatives.

And in that process, I’ve learned to also be grateful for the struggles themselves because they help me grow as a person and appreciate this wonderful life we live in even more.

At the same time, this week in the office, I was recognized as one of the key players at work. Despite the stress, workload, and all the challenges I’ve faced, my efforts were seen and appreciated. That kind of recognition, being valued for your hard work is something no amount of money can replace. It’s such a great boost of confidence and truly rewarding. Definitely a dopamine high! 💫

When life feels heavy, it’s not a sign you’re failing it’s a sign you’re growing. The struggle is not our enemy; it’s our teacher.

💛 Here’s to embracing both the good days and the hard ones because together, they make life beautifully whole.

Cheers,

xoAi

#EmbraceTheStruggle #Gratitude #GrowthMindset #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #PositiveVibes

Love Is Not Enough

For years, I believed love was simple: you meet, you care, you choose to stay. But life  and heartbreak taught me otherwise. Here’s what I finally understand about why love, by itself, is not always enough.

Reflections on heartbreak, growth, and letting go

Love is not enough for two people who are in love.

I stumbled upon a film I had watched years ago. The story was still etched in my memory: two people, deeply in love, torn apart by a choice neither of them wanted to make. I remembered the way they cried, the sound of their voices breaking, the way their hands slipped away from each other. I remembered feeling sad, but not shattered.

Back then, I still thought love was simple: you meet, you care, you choose to stay. And I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. Why would anyone walk away from something so rare?

Tonight, the scene reached inside me. But it wasn’t only the film. It was also the countless conversations I’ve had with people who came to me seeking advice about love, heartbreak, and moving on. Their stories, each unique and raw, echoed the same truth: love, even when real and deep, is sometimes not enough to keep two people together.

I’ve listened to friends and strangers alike talk about relationships that once felt like forever, only to drift apart. I’ve seen them grieve and fight, hope and despair, and eventually find a way to heal. And in their courage, I found the words and understanding I hadn’t been able to fully grasp in my own life.

As I watched the film and reflected on these stories, I realized: some love steadies us for a season, but cannot carry us into what comes next. Some love fills you, but eventually drains you until all that’s left is exhaustion. And sometimes, letting go is not a failure. It’s the bravest act of all.

The purpose of people

Maybe, in each story I’ve heard including my own the love given and received served a purpose. Maybe the love I could offer someone once was exactly what they needed. Maybe the love they gave me anchored me when I was drifting. People enter our lives with a purpose, though we rarely see it at first. They belong to certain chapters, not the whole story. And when their purpose is fulfilled, life begins to pull us apart, no matter how tightly we try to hold on.

I used to fight that pulling with everything in me. I used to think that clinging harder meant love was real. But when we fight what’s already leaving, we only deepen the wound. Growth demands change. And change asks us to outgrow even the people we love most  even the ones we once promised forever to.

The truth we learn

Listening to others, watching the film, reflecting on my own past, I finally understood: leaving is not always the absence of love. Sometimes it is evidence of it. Sometimes we let go not because love has died, but because we cannot keep growing where we are.

Every story I’ve encountered, every heartbreak shared with me, every tear I’ve witnessed  has reminded me that love can exist without staying. That it can shape us, teach us, and prepare us for the next chapter. That it can heal us even as it leaves.

So tonight, as I watched those characters walk away from each other, I no longer saw weakness or failure. I saw people brave enough to release each other, even while their hearts were breaking. I saw love that was real enough to let go.

Back then, I didn’t understand their choice.

Tonight, I finally do.

Love is not enough.

But maybe that was never the point. Love’s purpose is not always to keep us together. It is to awaken us, to grow us, to help us find strength when forever isn’t possible.

And maybe that is enough.

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✨ Have you ever had to let go of someone you still loved? Or witnessed someone you care about navigate this painful truth? Share your story or reflect on what it taught you about love, growth, and healing.