When Life Changes Faster Than the Nervous System Can Heal

Understanding Adjustment Disorder, grief, and the courage it takes to choose healing after life-altering change

In 2024, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder. At first, the diagnosis felt unfamiliar and heavy, but over time it became a language. A way to understand what my mind and body had been trying to communicate for years.

As a psychologist myself, I can sense when something is shifting in my mind and body. I notice the subtle tensions, the racing thoughts, or the fatigue before they fully surface. When life changes faster than the nervous system can heal, these signals become essential clues—reminders that we need space, reflection, and care.

Adjustment Disorder is a stress-related mental health condition that occurs when the brain and nervous system struggle to adapt to significant life changes or prolonged emotional stress. It is not a personal failure. It is not weakness. It is the result of being human in the face of experiences that require deep and repeated adjustment.

When Life Changes Faster Than the Nervous System Can Adapt

My journey toward this diagnosis did not begin in one moment. It unfolded over time.

It began with a complete change of environment: moving to Poland and learning how to rebuild a sense of stability in a new country, culture, and rhythm of life. It continued while I was living far from home when my father died in a tragic accident. Grief experienced at a distance has a particular kind of loneliness that the body remembers.

Then also came motherhood. Giving birth to two children is not only a physical transformation but an emotional and psychological one. It demands constant adjustment, identity shifts, responsibility deepens, and the nervous system is asked to stay alert for long periods of time.

Each of these experiences required strength. And I survived them.

But survival does not mean the body forgets.

How Adjustment Disorder Shows Up

Adjustment Disorder often appears quietly. For me, it showed up as emotional exhaustion, heightened sensitivity, difficulty focusing, and a constant feeling of being on edge. My mind understood that life was moving forward, but my nervous system stayed in survival mode.

Recently, unresolved stress was triggered again by family circumstances and the untimely passing of my brother. Grief has a way of reopening stored pain. The nervous system does not distinguish between past and present loss. It responds to both as if they are happening now.

This is the reality of stress-related disorders: the brain learns to protect first and regulate later.

Choosing Healing Instead of Silence

I am not sharing this story to ask for sympathy. I am sharing it to normalize truth.

It is okay to say that life-changing events impact mental health. It is okay to admit that sometimes we are not okay — even when we appear strong, functional, and capable on the outside.

Seeking therapy was not a sign that I was breaking down. It was a conscious decision to take responsibility for my healing. Choosing support, learning how to regulate my nervous system, and allowing myself to process grief and change was one of the bravest decisions I have made.

What deserves more questioning is not therapy but the normalization of mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that pushes people to the edge of losing themselves in silence. Healing requires courage. Speaking requires courage. Ending cycles of harm requires courage.

What Healing Has Taught Me

Healing from Adjustment Disorder is not linear. It is not about returning to who I was before loss, before change, before grief. It is about becoming more aware, more grounded, and more compassionate with who I am now.

I have learned to listen to my body instead of judging it. To slow down without guilt. To set boundaries without apology. To understand that adjustment takes time especially when life alters you in ways no one prepares you for.

A Closing Reflection

It is okay not to be okay sometimes.

And asking for help is not weakness. It is self-respect.

Healing has also taught me something simple but powerful: kindness changes a lot, and it doesn’t cost much. We never fully know what someone is carrying, the losses they are grieving, the transitions they are navigating, or the quiet battles their nervous system is fighting every day.

A gentle word, patience, empathy, or simply choosing not to judge can make a real difference. Kindness does not fix everything, but it can soften the weight someone is carrying.

If this resonates with you, let this be a reminder: be kind to people. Be kind to yourself. You are not broken, you are responding to life. And healing is not a destination, but a relationship you build with yourself, one honest and compassionate step at a time.

Cheers to those struggling but still living...you are not alone. And to everyone, a gentle reminder: be kind...always.

 

Much love,

Aixo

 

Loving Myself as Though My Life Depends on It

I came across a quote by Anita Moorjani that stopped me in my tracks: 

“Self-love is not just about constantly giving yourself praise and telling yourself how awesome you are. It’s about loving the real you, the human you - the person who has feet of clay, who comes undone under criticism, who sometimes fails and disappoints others. It’s about making a commitment to yourself that you will stick by yourself - even if no one else does. That’s what I mean when I say you must love yourself as though your life depends on it, because quite simply, I know without a doubt that it does.”

This resonated so deeply with me because my own journey of healing has taught me that loving myself is not about perfection. It’s about presence and truth.

Last year, I went through one of the most painful seasons of my life. I experienced heartbreak of letting go of an old friendship that was so dear to me, and I lost trust in people who were so close to me. I also lost hope in ways that made me question everything. For a while, I felt broken like I had failed myself and others, like my flaws disqualified me from being loved. Under criticism or rejection, I would crumble inside, and in those moments, self-love felt out of reach.

But choosing to step into therapy changed everything. It became a space where I could unravel safely, where I learned to face my pain without shame. Week by week, I discovered that authenticity, being completely real with myself was the foundation of healing. I didn’t need to pretend to be strong all the time. I just needed to stay with myself, even when it was hard.

Art also became my therapy. With a brush in hand, I could pour out my emotions from grief, hope, anger, and joy onto canvas. Watercolors and acrylics carried the stories my heart couldn’t put into words. Painting taught me that beauty can emerge from brokenness, that colors can heal what words cannot.

Along the way, I’ve surrounded myself with people who value authenticity as much as I do. I’ve let go of the need for shallow connections and leaned into deep, truthful conversations. I’ve realized I no longer have to shrink or hide parts of myself just to belong.

Now, self-love is a promise I make to myself every day:

• To honor my feelings without rushing them away.

• To forgive myself when I stumble.

• To celebrate my growth, even in small steps.

• To stand by myself—even when no one else does.

Anita is right, our lives do depend on it. Because when we love ourselves as we are, with all our cracks and colors, we stop surviving and start living.

So if you need the reminder today like I often do, to let this be it: Love yourself as though your life depends on it. Because it truly does.

much love,

xoAi

From Spiral to Strength: My Ongoing Healing Journey

That was me last year—the skinniest version of myself.

No sleep. No appetite. I couldn’t focus on anything.

I had lost myself, my job, friends I once considered family, and I lost contact with people I thought were truly my family. I was left in a sea of confusion, battling wave after wave of emotional and mental turmoil.

I LOST everything.

Last year, I was in a different place - physically, mentally, and emotionally.

My mind was clouded with confusion, my heart heavy with unspoken pain, and my days often felt like a downward spiral I couldn’t escape. I was surviving, but barely.

I lived from one psychotherapy session to another just to survive.

There were days I felt like giving up. Therapy isn't easy.

It reaches deep inside your inner self, and the more it touches, the more you feel the pain.

It's like being squeezed until you come out dry and until it pains no more.

But today?

I see a woman who has risen, more resilient and transformed.

There’s been so much growth in me, especially emotionally. I’ve learned to feel my emotions without letting them consume me. I’ve learned that healing isn’t linear and that’s okay. Some days, I’m still tender. But I no longer live in the shadows of those moments.

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned in therapy is the art of detachment.

I’ve let go of people and things I once thought gave me love, only to realize they were feeding a version of me that needed validation, not truth. Detaching didn’t mean I stopped caring, it meant I started choosing myself, even when it hurt. Especially when it hurt.

In the midst of this emotional unraveling, I found art once again.

Every hard emotion I couldn’t put into words, I poured into painting. Each brushstroke became a release—a quiet surrender to whatever I was feeling. I didn’t try to fix the pain; I let myself flow with it, color by color. Painting became my way of breathing again, of telling myself, “You’re still here.”

I turned back to running, not to escape, but to feel alive.

When I felt like giving up, I ran. When everything became overwhelming, I picked up the pace. The rhythm of my footsteps reminded me that motion is healing, that even when I don’t know where I’m going, I can still move forward.

I’ve learned that being in pain means allowing yourself to truly feel it. To sit in it, breathe through it, and let it wash over you until it washes away.

I’ve grieved for people I truly love and lost. Some to distance, others to truths I could no longer ignore.

And while I once thought I needed them to thrive, I’ve come to understand they were never meant to grow with me.

Along this journey, my faith became my compass.

From one pilgrimage to another, I prayed, not just to find peace, but to find myself again. And in those sacred spaces, I felt heard. I felt held. My faith anchored me when everything else was shaking.

It reminded me that healing doesn’t come in an instant, it comes in quiet, steady steps guided by something greater than myself.

And yes, I believe this now more than ever: faith can truly move mountains.

I will never forget the people who stood by me. The ones who never gave up on me, even when I couldn't see the way forward last year. 

Those who reminded me, gently and constantly, that this too shall pass.

And among them, I am most thankful for those who never stopped fighting on my behalf, my husband and my children.

They were there in the silence, sitting beside me when I couldn't hold it together.

They let me cry, no questions asked, just holding space for me to pour it all out.

They reminded me, without needing words, that I wasn't alone and that they understood what I was going through. 

It was hard.

But we grew through it, together as a family of four. 

And in that mentaly struggle that I went through, we found deeper connections, strength and more love.

I’ve lost and gained so much.

But here I am now. Rooted in the right place, surrounded by the right people, and finally showing up as my best self.

Healing is messy. But it’s also artful.

And I’m finally learning that I was never broken, just becoming.

So, take care of your mental health.
Your mind is more powerful than you think, but it needs your care, management, and gentle control.
Emotions come and go, just like feelings—they are not permanent, and that’s okay.
We need to relearn how to take care of ourselves first and foremost, every single day.

Because when we do, we give ourselves the chance to truly heal, grow, and thrive.

xo,

Ai

Dont be like the Narcissist!

Hey there! Still around? Well, thank you! I’ve been MIA for quite some time. I can’t exactly say it’s been a hiatus, but I just totally forgot about this little online world of mine.

I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. In fact, I’m still on the journey of healing. It’s been really tough, if you only knew. I’ve been in such turmoil, spiraling downward, trying to find my balance and get back on my feet, to be myself again.

I’m still in the process of healing. What I didn’t realize is that the journey toward healing is incredibly tough. It’s madness, but I had to dive deep within myself to find the healing I was looking for. One of the things I’ve been focusing on is self-love. And you know what? It works, and in a way, it feels so great!

Anyhow, I’ve been dealing with a narcissist for a very long time. I wasn’t aware of it until I sought professional help and therapy, because I just wasn’t at my best anymore. I could feel myself slowly slipping away, and my mental state deteriorating to the point where I was questioning my existence. I was confused, overwhelmed with negative thoughts, and completely lost. The narcissist was the one who made me disconnect from myself. I ignored the signs for a long time—the manipulation and emotional abuse created so much trauma that I lost my balance and was eventually diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. It was crazy!

Now, let me share some key traits of narcissistic behavior:

Narcissists are known for their inability to form deep, meaningful connections, which often causes them to move quickly from one relationship to the next. This behavior comes from their fundamental incapacity for genuine love and commitment. For a narcissist, relationships are more about fulfilling their own need for admiration, control, and validation, rather than opportunities for mutual growth and emotional bonding.

In the early stages of a relationship, a narcissist may engage in love-bombing, showering their partner with excessive attention and affection. However, once the novelty wears off or the partner begins to expect real emotional intimacy, the narcissist loses interest. They may start devaluing their partner, blaming them for the relationship’s problems, or becoming emotionally distant.

Instead of addressing the underlying issues or working on the relationship, a narcissist is more likely to seek out a new partner who can provide the fresh supply of admiration and excitement they crave. This cycle of discarding one partner and moving on to the next helps them avoid confronting their own emotional deficiencies, reinforcing their sense of superiority.

Ultimately, this pattern leaves behind a trail of broken relationships and emotional damage, as the narcissist continues their relentless pursuit of validation without ever truly connecting with others.

If you find that your partner or someone you’re connected to exhibits narcissistic traits, I encourage you to seek help or make them aware of these tendencies. Often, they aren’t even aware of this side of themselves, and you might help them or—more importantly—save yourself.

Don’t let such a person consume you. And don’t let yourself become one, either!

Take care of yourself first and foremost as you navigate through life. Wishing you a safe and healing journey.

xo,
Ai

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For more information about understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse, click the links below. 

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ583RL8

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings. 

https://a.co/d/03hzL8Zx

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future 

https://amzn.eu/d/044yGFS8