When Life Changes Faster Than the Nervous System Can Heal

Understanding Adjustment Disorder, grief, and the courage it takes to choose healing after life-altering change

In 2024, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder. At first, the diagnosis felt unfamiliar and heavy, but over time it became a language. A way to understand what my mind and body had been trying to communicate for years.

As a psychologist myself, I can sense when something is shifting in my mind and body. I notice the subtle tensions, the racing thoughts, or the fatigue before they fully surface. When life changes faster than the nervous system can heal, these signals become essential clues—reminders that we need space, reflection, and care.

Adjustment Disorder is a stress-related mental health condition that occurs when the brain and nervous system struggle to adapt to significant life changes or prolonged emotional stress. It is not a personal failure. It is not weakness. It is the result of being human in the face of experiences that require deep and repeated adjustment.

When Life Changes Faster Than the Nervous System Can Adapt

My journey toward this diagnosis did not begin in one moment. It unfolded over time.

It began with a complete change of environment: moving to Poland and learning how to rebuild a sense of stability in a new country, culture, and rhythm of life. It continued while I was living far from home when my father died in a tragic accident. Grief experienced at a distance has a particular kind of loneliness that the body remembers.

Then also came motherhood. Giving birth to two children is not only a physical transformation but an emotional and psychological one. It demands constant adjustment, identity shifts, responsibility deepens, and the nervous system is asked to stay alert for long periods of time.

Each of these experiences required strength. And I survived them.

But survival does not mean the body forgets.

How Adjustment Disorder Shows Up

Adjustment Disorder often appears quietly. For me, it showed up as emotional exhaustion, heightened sensitivity, difficulty focusing, and a constant feeling of being on edge. My mind understood that life was moving forward, but my nervous system stayed in survival mode.

Recently, unresolved stress was triggered again by family circumstances and the untimely passing of my brother. Grief has a way of reopening stored pain. The nervous system does not distinguish between past and present loss. It responds to both as if they are happening now.

This is the reality of stress-related disorders: the brain learns to protect first and regulate later.

Choosing Healing Instead of Silence

I am not sharing this story to ask for sympathy. I am sharing it to normalize truth.

It is okay to say that life-changing events impact mental health. It is okay to admit that sometimes we are not okay — even when we appear strong, functional, and capable on the outside.

Seeking therapy was not a sign that I was breaking down. It was a conscious decision to take responsibility for my healing. Choosing support, learning how to regulate my nervous system, and allowing myself to process grief and change was one of the bravest decisions I have made.

What deserves more questioning is not therapy but the normalization of mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that pushes people to the edge of losing themselves in silence. Healing requires courage. Speaking requires courage. Ending cycles of harm requires courage.

What Healing Has Taught Me

Healing from Adjustment Disorder is not linear. It is not about returning to who I was before loss, before change, before grief. It is about becoming more aware, more grounded, and more compassionate with who I am now.

I have learned to listen to my body instead of judging it. To slow down without guilt. To set boundaries without apology. To understand that adjustment takes time especially when life alters you in ways no one prepares you for.

A Closing Reflection

It is okay not to be okay sometimes.

And asking for help is not weakness. It is self-respect.

Healing has also taught me something simple but powerful: kindness changes a lot, and it doesn’t cost much. We never fully know what someone is carrying, the losses they are grieving, the transitions they are navigating, or the quiet battles their nervous system is fighting every day.

A gentle word, patience, empathy, or simply choosing not to judge can make a real difference. Kindness does not fix everything, but it can soften the weight someone is carrying.

If this resonates with you, let this be a reminder: be kind to people. Be kind to yourself. You are not broken, you are responding to life. And healing is not a destination, but a relationship you build with yourself, one honest and compassionate step at a time.

Cheers to those struggling but still living...you are not alone. And to everyone, a gentle reminder: be kind...always.

 

Much love,

Aixo

 

Letting go of pain

Olafur Arnalds songs playing in the backgound...coffee is brewing....the weather is a mix of sunny and breezy. And, I feel like things are getting a bit too crazy right now. everything around me is rather too noisy, that I can't hardly think of myself, what to do and what to focus on.

In this quiet MOnday morning I am reminded that I need to let go of the clutter in my life.

The silence and the soothing music of Olafur Arnalds made me think of how wonderful to get some quiet time even for just some hours.

There are too many things in my life recently that stress me out, from emotional  to material - work, home, relationships, duties, family problems, friendship issues, painful experiences. these are things we have no control of but we must let go.

As for me, I must first Let go of  pain.

I used to think of myself as someone who doesn't get hurt, However, I am aware that pain is inevitable.

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

I've learned that, I create and maintain the problems because It gives that sort of identity in me. That the more I hold on to it and keep replaying past mistakes , allows me to have that feeling of shame and regret to shape my actions in the present. Tendency I cling to frustrations and worry much about what is coming - the future. That holds a lot of stress in my mind and body. That results to recent feeling of weakness and more health issues at present. Ajahn Chah's words lured us that letting go of pain may never be that simple yet every moment and chances is the best time to practice letting go and be peaceful. 

For me, to slowly let go of pain is to :

1. learn a new skill. Instead of dwelling of the skill you never mastered, learn a new trade or tricks instead.

2. Change you perception and concept with how you deal with things in life. - accept it as a blessing in disguise.

3. Cry it out - I only have few close best friends that I can really rely on and cry on, And I can be open to them with what I feel and with the pain I'm experiencing. It feels so great knowing someone knows what you feel, instead of judging you but telling you both sides of the coins. And, according to medical experts crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress. So cry it out...don't be shy. After all we are all human. To be honest, I don't know anymore how many times I cry my hearts out to few very close friends, and I could feel they are a bit tired of my drama. (Hey!  you know who you are *wink)

4. Channel your discontentment into a something positive actions. Instead of lurking in your room crying and still feeling the pain, go out and try to look for some positive things to do like running, meeting friends over coffee, do voluntary woks or find a new job opportunities.

5. Pray, meditate and do yoga and other exercises. - Praying and being in my best mental self early morning is one factor that really gives me that positive vibes within the day. Doing and engaging in an active sports decreases stress hormones and releases happy ones - endorphins. It truly improves your state of mind and thinking.

6. Make a list of your accomplishments- no matter how simple it is, write it down, and add up things in your list everyday. I've learned that there are lots of things I 've accomplished lately that I neglect on recognizing. It was amazing and I feel so proud of myself.

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled it "expectations"  - Whenever you start dwelling on how things should have been or should be, try shelving them into this box of expectations.

8. Stay focus. Something that you can actually control rather than you can't. I know it is hard. I'm still struggling on this from time to time but yeah, just keep on doing.

9. Express your self to a creative outlet like writing , blogging or colouring, drawing, paintinga and DIY projects.   I always express my feelings through writing and doing creative things.  I always see to it I have notepad with me to jot down things i have in mind at once and what I thought about on things I've heard and seen.  It truly helps to focus and to stay positive.  It is like a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to let go of the feeling.

I know, these are things we already know.  but with all the distractions around us, we need to be reminded and stop holding on things that is unnecessary to keep us going to find peace and making pain bearable. After all, we only want happiness and peace, don't we?

(series of my notes of letting go......)